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With Elon Musk buying Twitter and committing to making it better, there has been much speculation about what he might purchase and restore next. The possibilities are endless!

Here are a few of our ideas for things Elon should buy and fix next:

Facebook: And bring back poking!

ESPN: Make it about sports again! 

Apple Inc.: Then officially rename “pregnant man emoji” to “Bill Gates emoji.”

The show FireflyAnd announce 12 new seasons.

US Congress: Just launch it into the sun.

Public schools: And make them stop grooming.

Zach Snyder’s Justice League: Reinsert Superman’s mustache! 

Texas Roadhouse: Change the whole menu to just the rolls with honey cinnamon butter.

LeCroix: Add flavor

Your mom: And make her lose some weight.

Wordle: And make it impossible to share your score.

Chick-Fil-A: …And keep everything the same.

Spider-Man 3: Make the whole movie one extended goth Peter Parker dance scene. 

BLM: Make them actually care about black lives.

Mitt Romney: Install testicles.

Amy Schumer: Make her stop.

Chrysler Motors: Bring back the PT Cruiser! 

Pfizer: Maybe he can get the vaccines to work.

Frisbees: I throw them straight but they don’t go straight! Why do they keep curving?!

Our teenagers: No, seriously–do you want them?

Bill Gates: Install an empathy chip using Neuralink.

Democratic Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power. 

Republican Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.

Libertarian Party: Scrap for parts.

Amazon’s Lord of the Rings: Burn it to the ground and make everyone involved apologize to JRR Tolkien.

Babylon Bee: Make them come up with a third joke. Also, free Cybertrucks.


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By GIL